Old and Busted

OLD AND BUSTED

Games that predate or exist on the first generation of home consoles. So old it hurts, so it's unlikely there will ever be specialized lists of good games on each of these consoles.

Pooooooooooooong
Are you ready for the best goddamn video game experience in your lifetime? Want something to connect with that older relative who had to live through these awful dark ages of video games? Want a game so balanced and well-made that it shines with a splendorous luster, as if crafted by GOD HIM-FUCKING-SELF? Look no further, because Pong is here:

Pong
Release: 1972 Genre: Sports Platforms: Arcade, Pong (yeah, it was its own console. It's THAT GOOD) Brush up on those reflexes, grab that paddle and get reboundin'. The premise is simple: you move a paddle vertically and bounce a ball back and forth with another player or CPU. You get points for each successful ball you get past the opponent. It's the most condensed form of entertainment this side of Tetris, a facet that makes it impenetrable to critics or naysayers as people who don't recognize these games as the sheer zenith of video gaming just look like idiots. What's that? Objectivity doesn't exist, and neither do absolute bests? FUCK YOU. Pong is a testament that objectivity DOES exist, because even after 40 years this game is still playable and remembered, while most have since forgotten about Call of Duty 15 or whatever else you shit-eaters play. There are literally hundreds of Pong sequels and clones, like Breakout, which produced even MORE clones (Arkanoid, Shatter, etc.), but you should have a great time with the original. Reimagined from some tennis game on the Magnacocks Odyssey that no one cares about.

You thought Pong was the only ancient game that was fun? FUCK YOU.

Rogue and its petite relatives
Release: 1980

Genre: FUCKING ROGUELIKE. Yes, it's like itself, we are entering the endless recursion, Captain.

Platforms: Every goddamn console. Yes, it has THAT many relatives.

You thought videogames are hard? NO, THEY AREN'T. Roguelikes ARE HARD (at least, the proper ones). Everything is simple: you choose a race and a class. Then, you enter the randomly generated dungeon. Your goal is to get to bottom of the dungeon, snatch the main artefact and get out. Sounds simple? FUCK YOU.

'Cause those monstahs gonna rock your ass so hard, you will die thousands of times before even catching a glimpse of the bottom floor, not even touching the main artefact, not even talking about getting out. Good current roguelikes include ADOM, Angband, Nethack, Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup and TOME.